10 Things Your Commencement Speaker Won't Tell You

I really loved this article, so I decided to copy and post it here just as a reminder to myself when I need some good advice and focus in my life.

Source Article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304811304577366332400453796.html

Class of 2012,
I became sick of commencement speeches at about your age. My first job out of college was writing speeches for the governor of Maine. Every spring, I would offer extraordinary tidbits of wisdom to 22-year-olds—which was quite a feat given that I was 23 at the time. In the decades since, I've spent most of my career teaching economics and public policy. In particular, I've studied happiness and well-being, about which we now know a great deal. And I've found that the saccharine and over-optimistic words of the typical commencement address hold few of the lessons young people really need to hear about what lies ahead. Here, then, is what I wish someone had told the Class of 1988:
1. Your time in fraternity basements was well spent. The same goes for the time you spent playing intramural sports, working on the school newspaper or just hanging with friends. Research tells us that one of the most important causal factors associated with happiness and well-being is your meaningful connections with other human beings. Look around today. Certainly one benchmark of your postgraduation success should be how many of these people are still your close friends in 10 or 20 years.
2. Some of your worst days lie ahead. Graduation is a happy day. But my job is to tell you that if you are going to do anything worthwhile, you will face periods of grinding self-doubt and failure. Be prepared to work through them. I'll spare you my personal details, other than to say that one year after college graduation I had no job, less than $500 in assets, and I was living with an elderly retired couple. The only difference between when I graduated and today is that now no one can afford to retire.
3. Don't make the world worse. I know that I'm supposed to tell you to aspire to great things. But I'm going to lower the bar here: Just don't use your prodigious talents to mess things up. Too many smart people are doing that already. And if you really want to cause social mayhem, it helps to have an Ivy League degree. You are smart and motivated and creative. Everyone will tell you that you can change the world. They are right, but remember that "changing the world" also can include things like skirting financial regulations and selling unhealthy foods to increasingly obese children. I am not asking you to cure cancer. I am just asking you not to spread it.
4. Marry someone smarter than you are. When I was getting a Ph.D., my wife Leah had a steady income. When she wanted to start a software company, I had a job with health benefits. (To clarify, having a "spouse with benefits" is different from having a "friend with benefits.") You will do better in life if you have a second economic oar in the water. I also want to alert you to the fact that commencement is like shooting smart fish in a barrel. The Phi Beta Kappa members will have pink-and-blue ribbons on their gowns. The summa cum laude graduates have their names printed in the program. Seize the opportunity!
5. Help stop the Little League arms race. Kids' sports are becoming ridiculously structured and competitive. What happened to playing baseball because it's fun? We are systematically creating races out of things that ought to be a journey. We know that success isn't about simply running faster than everyone else in some predetermined direction. Yet the message we are sending from birth is that if you don't make the traveling soccer team or get into the "right" school, then you will somehow finish life with fewer points than everyone else. That's not right. You'll never read the following obituary: "Bob Smith died yesterday at the age of 74. He finished life in 186th place."
6. Read obituaries. They are just like biographies, only shorter. They remind us that interesting, successful people rarely lead orderly, linear lives.
7. Your parents don't want what is best for you. They want what is good for you, which isn't always the same thing. There is a natural instinct to protect our children from risk and discomfort, and therefore to urge safe choices. Theodore Roosevelt—soldier, explorer, president—once remarked, "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." Great quote, but I am willing to bet that Teddy's mother wanted him to be a doctor or a lawyer.
8. Don't model your life after a circus animal. Performing animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts or small fish for doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be a friend, a parent, a coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your job will you be explicitly evaluated and rewarded for your performance. Don't let your life decisions be distorted by the fact that your boss is the only one tossing you peanuts. If you leave a work task undone in order to meet a friend for dinner, then you are "shirking" your work. But it's also true that if you cancel dinner to finish your work, then you are shirking your friendship. That's just not how we usually think of it.
9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year? And the important corollary: Does this path lead to a life I will be happy with and proud of in 10 or 20 years if I don't get hit by a bus.
10. Don't try to be great. Being great involves luck and other circumstances beyond your control. The less you think about being great, the more likely it is to happen. And if it doesn't, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being solid.
Good luck and congratulations.

New Years Resolutions 2012

A little bit late, but I just need a place to write these down and keep myself accountable.

I feel like this will be a good year. This year, I want to do a lot, to decide where I should be heading next in life.  Grad school?  Maybe.  I guess I should at least start to think about it.  Take the GRE perhaps.  So yes, that is my first goal for this year.

1. Decide on the next step in life and make a move towards it.  So if I want to do grad school, do some research on where, and start studying for or take the GRE. If I want a new job, time to start thinking about that.  If I want to keep my current job, I need to think about where I want to be this time next year within the company, and make moves to get there.  Do something.  This year is not about settling down - much the opposite.

2. Get healthy.  I know this one is overdone by so many people.  But it's a bit different for me.  While I might stand to lose a pound or two, this is not my goal.  My goal is to actually start thinking about taking care of myself in other ways - thinking about my overall health, perhaps making some trips to the doctor even (I absolutely detest going to the doctors office for anything).  I need to get my ears checked out for scuba diving.  I should probably go to the dentist as well, and the eye doctor too.  I've been neglecting all of those things. 

3. Be more supportive of Mitch (and others).  This one is simply that I need to both appreciate Mitch, and other friends and family, more, and be supportive of his attempts to eat and be healthier this year, and to finish school.  Not enough positive and encouraging energy coming from me nowadays and I think that needs to change.

4. Read.  Make a list of the books you want to read this year.  Read them, and more.  The list so far:
Rock, Paper, Scissors: Game Theory in Everyday Life
Catch 22
Maybe: Game of Thrones

5. Travel. As much as possible.

6. Make new friends.  But keep the old.  One is silver and the other's gold. :)  I've come to the realization that sometimes I just don't feel like making new friends anymore, because I am so happy with the friends that I've got.  But really, there's always room for more friends.  I don't know when or why this attitude of not needing to meet new people took over, but I want to get back to the old Jenna who loved meeting new people.

In preparation for Thanksgiving...

..I'm trying to remember to appreciate all the things I've got, more than just once a year.

So after thinking about it all day, here is what I am thankful for today:

• a super tightly-knit family, that I can always count on for anything.  They are super embarassing sometimes, but I think that's why I love them most.
• a wonderful boyfriend that can deal with the whining, complaining, and forgetfulness on a daily basis and who goes along with my crazy schemes even though most times they are illogical
• my job, though very stressful at times, is very rewarding while also keeps me feeling challenged every day - I also get the added benefit of a very flexible and logical boss whom I get along well with and enjoy working for
• my baby puppies and kitty who keep me happy when I'm at home
• my amazing friends who deal with my strange behaviors and ridiculous nicknames every day, and who travel vast distances to visit me in south bay even though there's nothing to do here
• high school friends who are always there to hang out when I'm in san diego
• berkeley friends who are now scattered throughout the country world who I can always go visit, or talk to on skype, from 8th floor, taiko, d-boat, AAA, classes, parties, and other random events
• co-workers and ex-co-workers for helping me become successful at my first grown-up job and keeping me entertained at the office
• the tons of other friends i've made along the way who I've managed to keep in touch with, or even if I haven't
• my own willpower, for being strong enough to save enough money to almost be completely out of debt
• all of my teachers, for helping me to not be stupid
• white cheddar popcorn, for always being delicious
• my nikon, for keeping all my memories safe

I'm happy with all the decisions I've made up until this point in my life, and don't regret anything except maybe one - that I was too chicken to play Maria in my 3rd grade play because I thought that an asian girl couldn't play a white girl and because I didn't want to hold hands with the boy who was playing the captain.  But really, I really do have a near-perfect life right now.  I definitely don't appreciate it enough - I always want more and want something different than I have, but I am learning not to take anything for granted and I hope things keep heading this direction. 

Loving life.

Pet Peeves

Something that really bothers me is when people just throw money at a problem hoping to fix it, and not trying to actually fix the root of the problem.  For example:

If your dog scratches windows, you could either just keep buying new screens or dog-scratch-proof screens, OR you could teach your dog to not scratch the windows.  Oh, new screens are easier you say? That's fine.  I hope your dog never goes near any other screens that are NOT dog-scratch-proof... otherwise, you may have to pay some more money to get those fixed...

If you dog goes into the compost pile and tries to eat everything in it, and then takes things out of that compost pile, and tosses them around the yard, you can try to reinforce the compost pile.. oh, that didn't work because your dog destroyed the reinforcement... ok, then lets just buy a compost barrel instead so there's no more issue!  hmmm, did your dog learn anything from that?  no, and they will most likely chew on the barrel as well.

If your dog destroys everything in the yard, including a bottle of lighter fluid, swim fins, SUNFLOWERS that are still growing, shoes that were taken from inside the house, etc. you could just blame it on your roommates and say that they shouldn't leave anything in the yard, OR you could.. hmm, let's think.. train your dog not to chew on things that are not chew toys or treats.  No way.. train your dog?  That's ludicrous!

"I'm super lazy and don't want to do any chores WAH!" Oh I know, hire a maid!  

Of course this pet peeve is an actual, more generalized pet peeve that expands to entire nations, but this is just.. you know.. an example.

Good Roommates

1. When you say you're going to tell people to help you do something, you don't bail out in the middle. You help out until it's done.
2. When all of your roommates are cleaning a house (that you told them to help clean), you don't get to just not help because you don't feel like it or because you feel like you've done your share - you haven't, if everyone has been cleaning for the same amount of time. (Did you know we cleaned for over an hour after you left? You did, because we had to give you all of your stuff that you had laying around the living room since before Christmas.)
3. You can't decide When you live in a house with a lot of people in it, you don't just tell half of them to clean and not the other half.

That's pretty fucked up. Leave me alone. I'm not a baby and you're not my mother. Please don't tell me what to do anymore. I don't mind helping to clean - ask anyone else I've lived with in the past. But you can't just assume people will clean on your schedule. No one asks you to clean things up when you are busy. You never really help clean up after parties, or after get-togethers, or after anything, really - 10 minutes at the beginning doesn't count. Then retreat to your room to do nothing while your roommates clean everything. You've done it multiple times and we always let it slide. Oh, then why don't you ahead and also go break some more of my stuff. Thanks.

Technology: Hindrance or Help?

"The Internet doesn't impart adult information; it crowds it out," he wrote. Students -- even top college students -- read rarely now, and the slang used for online chatting is eroding writing skills."

When I studied abroad in Japan, I remember the teachers being very concerned about how much young people relied on their phones and computers to write the kanji for them. What happens nowadays is the students are able to just type in a word in hiragana, and the systems are able to automatically change them into the correct kanji. This makes students forget how to effectively write the kanji, though they can still read and choose the correct one when given the option. I remember thinking it was a shame that that's what is happening there, as I think kanji is very hard to learn and that I would give a lot to be able to write them all effectively.

I read this article today about how American society is starting to be like that as well, texting and messaging hinders young people's ability to write and read effectively. And you know what, they're probably right. Though the internet is a ridiculously powerful tool, all too often people use it just for virtual social interaction or just surfing the web. We get very little out of in comparison to what we could be doing instead of web browsing and wasting time. I am in no way exempt from this grouping, as I spend a vast majority of my time online basically wasting time. I could write a lot more about society and how it forces us to "progress" by using these tools, but I don't want to spend too much more time sitting on the intarwebs doing it, so I leave you with the intent to spend my time more wisely, though I guarantee nothing except the fact that I will be blogging still :D

Sweet!

"The average rate of motion across the San Andreas Fault Zone during the past 3 million years is 56 mm/year (2 inches/year). This is about the same rate at which your fingernails grow. Assuming this rate continues, scientists project that Los Angeles and San Francisco will be adjacent to one another in approximately 15 million years."

Who needs a bullet train from SF to LA when we can just wait 15 million years or so - then we won't need it anymore :)