INSPIRATION

there are so many different thoughts that float in and out of your head throughout the day -- random inquiries or sudden revelations. they come to you at times when you have time to just think by yourself: walking to school, sitting at your desk, driving in your car.. at the time they seem so integral to your life, but as soon as you get home or start doing something different, the entire thought fades and although you can remember bits and pieces of it, you can't remember all the details, almost like it was a dream. so you try to recreate them later, trying to hold on to the thought knowing that at one point in time it was important.

heres a few from this week:

*~ when i was a little girl one of my best friends at the time told me that she found a video of her parents having oral sex (she didnt call it oral sex, but she explained it). I didn't really think much of it. I was curious as to what exactly it was, but I really didn't think anything else about it. As this memory came back to me I not only realized that it was oral sex that my friend described way back then but that neither one of us was really disturbed by it. She explained it to me, i understood, was curious but didn't really give that much thought to it at all. She, having actually seen it, probably had stronger feelings about it than i did, but when she told me she didn't really seem very emotional about it either. we probably just didnt understand it and so didn't think it was disturbing as we would think about it now (imagine if you found a videotape of your parents having oral sex...). This flowed into thoughts about whether or not its better to be ignorant or to know everything. this question of course has no easy answer and arguments kept bouncing back and forth until i arrived at my destination...

*~ theres so much about people that even though we see very often and consider great friends, we don't know about. we tend to associate people with certain characteristics based on in what context we see them. theres one of my friends that i mostly just see as ludicris, but when i really thought about it, he's just amazing. not only is he integral to one group, but many groups -- founding, organizing, constantly on the move and constantly striving to do something new. however, i failed to see these things until i really thought about it. i only saw things in him from one point of view, from one group's angle and collective ideas about him. but its not only this person... i tend to see people in the context of where and what im doing when i see them... sooo... taiko people playing taiko and doing taiko related things, dragonboat people doing dragonboat, roommates being there to share in all the small things and know random details about whats going on in your life, classmates to talk about class with, high school friends to be there when i get home to sd and to talk about the good ol' days with, temple friends doing things related to temple and there to monku to about how boring service was or the next jr. y event, family for dinner times and good food, playing hana and hanging out with cousins at aikos house, MISH kids in japan singing karaoke and enjoying life in japan and now missing japan, etcetc... so now when i sit in class i not only wonder about who can help me with my classwork but who everyone is, what their lives are like, how different everyone is and at the same time, how alike everyone is.

*~ your opinion on movies varies greatly depending on who you see it with and the discussions you have about it afterwards. initially we all have our own opinion, and we still have our own opinion later on, its just influenced by what others think of it as well. as i was watching a movie the other night, i was surprised at how cool i thought it was. granted, i think pretty much all movies are good. but anyway, as soon as other people started to bring up bad points about the movie, i started to agree more and more. it was actually not a very good movie considering everything. but it was bad in a good way. my original opinion was just that it was good, but then it was changed a bit to bad but in a good way. i actually noticed this a while back about myself and being influenced by others' opinions, and despite my efforts to stay true to my initial thoughts, i cant help but agree on some points that are brought up that i guess i just never thought about myself initially. i dont think this is bad, actually i think its good to be criticized and not just be swayed by others but to think about it and change your own opinion given these new perspectives. this kind of ties into how i believe that some peoples opinions NEED to be swayed because perhaps their opinions are simply ignorant ones and once they see whats actually going on, they would change their mind. im not saying that my opinion is always right, just that an educated opinion holds more substance than an ignorant one. everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes, agreed. but people that just voice their opinions with no real evidence or knowledge to back it up dont really seem viable to me.

*~ as we get older, we actually do get more intelligent. sitting in class with a bunch of freshman or even juniors, i feel smarter. just because im older. i realize that this is not necessarily true, but i do believe that just by living, experiencing another year, learning and thinking for that little bit of extra time, makes us see things differently and think about things differently as well. we are able to make more connections to the real world, to think about things not in just a textbook sense but actually applying things to the world, to other classes, and see how different things interact. maybe thats just how i think about it... perhaps in a wishful thinking kind of way, but i think its true. by experiencing more, we actually do gain "skill points" and perhaps we are a level or two up just because of it.